Enjoy ABD Life

北京在下今年第十场雪，看起来雪花的大小都逼近加拿大的冬雪了。俺家小时工妈妈又在家造反，擦地收拾屋子。擦至钢琴处，突然想起家里没人弹它肯定走音了，于是说，“哪天给它拿拿龙吧”---- 学名调琴！这笑话小时候就有，不过今天突然起了好奇心，到底啥叫拿龙呢。网上一查，有了下面的解释：

走畸和拿龙

经过日晒雨淋的窗户、风门变了形，关不上或者关上了严不了口，就叫走畸了。单说走畸的畸字，就是不正常、不整齐、不均衡，多指物体的形态。若是人体出现了畸，如畸胎、畸形足，就是不健全，或需矫正。天津人拿走畸来形容人的行为，则具有特别强烈的贬义。 　　 “这人办事真走畸！”这就是说，这人的行为出了大格儿，超越了常规，是有意识的。某人走畸了，怎么办呢？结论是需要给他拿一拿龙，也就是矫正矫正。拿龙一词在“码头”、地面上较为流行。 　　 所谓拿龙，本来是指自行车、三轮车的轱辘偏歪了，不圆了，不走直线了，其轨迹曲里拐弯，在马路上画龙，需要把松了的辐条紧一紧，太紧的辐条松一松，这是手艺行道的技术处理。 　　 前面说的拿龙，则是因为某人的行为不端，打算给他矫正矫正、修理修理、规范规范，这就变成了一种威胁的代名词。马志明的相声《派出所见闻》中说：“你说话干净点，不合适我给你拿拿龙。”把手艺道儿的技术程序搬到日常生活的用语中来，不能不说这是天津人独出心裁的创新。 （http://www.tjhbq.gov.cn/ReadNews.asp?NewsID=3430）

        看来啊，天津人就是天津人，把词儿都用到骨子里去了，要不说语言是有活性的呢。可是一提到用词，有些词弄得又不伦不类。比如说今天新闻说现在国内国外两边跑的人叫做“海鸥”，这大概是“海归”“海待”引申出来的。不过想来想去，还是弄不清楚这个“鸥”是谐了哪个字的音呢？难不成是因为海鸥是候鸟，季节性往返？像我这等孤陋寡闻的，还要查查网上的wikipedia确认海鸥是候鸟，才敢狐疑着揣测一下这新词儿的用意。

        为了造词而造词，人对词儿的暴力还真不轻呢！

 

 

        周一的早上，你读完《目送》的最后一部分，泪眼簌簌。跑到书橱旁，看到最高的那一格里，摆着一排5本龙应台的书，《野火集》，《女子与小人》，《在海德堡坠入情网》，湖南的《作品选》，还有《这个动荡的世界》。

        翻开《野火集》的扉页，里面记着买书的日期是1999年11月。天哪！这是你十年久违的龙应台！

        在“今日独立”中，她说体制教育所缺乏的“独”，这是在毕业式的演讲。对你来说，人生的第一次毕业，就是在1999年吧。

        那一年，是你在大学的第一年，那个暑假，是你人生中第一个无所适从的十字路口。站在十年以后的今天，不难找到那年发生的事情，北约出兵科索沃、俄军进攻车臣、东帝汶独立；近一点的，李登辉的两国论，中国加入WTO，大使馆被炸，FLG的中南海请愿。可是当时，你苦苦思索的不是家国，不是民族，也不是将来。你经历着人生中第一次的失恋，你想不明白的是，什么是爱情，什么是责任，你为什么会被接受又被拒绝，为什么女人面对爱情会这么被动。

        许多个为什么，没有人可以解答，尽管有无数人听你倾诉，他们的表情你还记得吗？是同情还是无奈？十年以后你发现，读书，原来是那时可以给自己平静的唯一的有效方式。你还记得无数个图书馆里度过的白天和黑天，大概从未带着为了读好哪门功课的心情去看过书。那你在寻找什么吗？没人回答得了的答案？

        大概是04年初的冬天，你在日本东北一个校园里某工艺研究室，用不认识的日本同学准备好的软软的粘土做陶，虽然约好烧好去取，但是也不知所终。好像只有你做了两个，一个形态模糊带着翅膀的女神，一个写着“读万卷书，行万里路”的陶杯。

       2010年初的冬日，当你读完《目送》，看着十年以前留在书扉页上的日期，寻找当时的日记想知道那时心里到底在想什么，发现那个月，你没有太多牢骚，每隔十天才会有一篇流水账，而《这个动荡的世界》里却留下书页的折痕，勾画的句子，还有在每一页大致相同的地方留下的因为翻过而不平整的地方。也许是后见之明，你猛然发现，原来，那个教了你行万里路，用眼睛看的人，或许就是她吧。那个让你知道，不只是琼瑶小说里柔柔弱弱的女人才是女人的，或许也是她吧。那个让你感到你也可以用一个人而不是女人的眼睛去看这个世界的，或许还是她吧。

        你划下的句子，有“自主自决，自治自律”，也有文学一定要走出象牙塔的社会关怀。或许，这十年龙应台的笔从犀利无比变得深沉婉转，所写之物从大到小，由有至无，自“在”变“空”。不过你觉得，她只是把呐喊的行动变成沉思的姿态吧。

        这十年，因为一个“独”字，她一直在变，在扣问自己。因为追求同一个“独”字，你也学会了自我审视，让自己看着自己，像孩子一样，慢慢来。

http://jp.hjenglish.com/page/90055/

今天一起床，习惯性地去VERYCD登陆，看看有什么新鲜的东西。谁知道网页一打开，大大的公告蹦出来：“非常抱歉，VeryCD服务器所在机房线路大面积故障。初步预计12月10日中午可以恢复正常访问。”昨天看到关于BT关闭呀，视听许可证这些。没想到马上影响到了这里，看起来一场网络版权大战要开始了。

一说起版权，突然想起了最近读到的一本书：Eva Hemmungs Wirtén的Terms of Use。关于版权的历史，迪斯尼的故事，还有非常近的话题比如YouTube。这里引用一点点评论：

"Wirtén, in a fascinating and creative account of the history of the commons, uses the theme of a jungle to show the “geopolitical dimensions of the jungle and the unbroken liaison between imperialism and the public domain, contrasting the British Empire with the Empire of globalization and information technology” (Ibid: 141-142). She explores nineteenth century plundering of the Amazon by imperial powers, hunting as an imperial sport, the related imperial fad of taxidermy, Disney’s appropriation of “authorless” tales, and the imperial adventurism enshrined in Kipling’s Jungle Book, now Disney-property in potential perpetuity—all part, as she notes, of the variegated history of the commons."

Sara Bannerman, Global Media Journal 2 (1), December 2009

留下她的网页在list里面。

Quotations from the Epilogue of Christain Sisterhood, Race Relations, and the YWCA, 1906-46 (Nancy Marie Reberson). Univ. of Illinois Press, 2007

"In delineating changes in the YWCA, white women in the organization presented its becoming 'interracial' as 'the natual development of something inherent in [the YWCA's] nature from the beginning.' An examination of the confrontations between black and white women reveals that the changes were by no means automatic. The efforts of African American women and some sympathetic white women were instrumental in influencing the larger membership to shift policies and practices. In so doing, the affected assumptions about the significance of race relation in the United States." p. 178

"As white and black women struggled over race, race relations, racism, and racial justice, they produced complicated stories. These accounts suggest that we should think of political culture as common debates, rather than as shared assumptions or conclusions about the way things should be." p. 179

"An analysis of the YWCA's story also lays out the ways in which discussions among white and black women about race often turned into discussions about class or morality or sin." p. 179

"For more than a quarter century, scholars in women's studies have analyzed the meaning of sisterhood, asking whether 'sisterhood' can best be understood as 'dubious,' 'universal,' 'peculiar,' 'denied,' 'all-inclusive,' 'separate,' 'advancing,' 'splintered,' 'unlikely,' or 'questioned.' The problems associated with using sisterhood as a controlling metaphor stem from assuming that the category means (or should have meant) egalitarian and harmonious relationships, rather than hierarchical and conflicting ones. It seems particularly ironic that feminists who have ably critiqued the power imbalances in the family and personal relations, would assume that any familial relationship could be a source of natural equality. Families are as easily the site for conflict and struggle as they are for love and agreement, As Nancy Hewitt has argued, we have allowed 'the rhetoric of community' to overshadow 'the reality of conflict.'

To return to the formulation proposed almost ninety years ago by Lily Hardy Hammond, womanhood, motherhood, and sisterhood were never deeper than race because they could not be separated from race. Racism shapes not only race relations, but the relations of gender and class. Many of the 'shared' traits were illusory or problematic. Not all sisters are the same. Not all women are mothers. Not all mothers do the same work. In this society, it was not - and is not - possible simply to find a sisterhood of commonality and equality. Saying that womanhood was not deeper than race is disheartening, however, only if we imagine that unity and justice must be built on commonality and sameness. It is important to bear im mind the persistent faith and activism of black and white women like ..., as well as those women whose names have not survived in historical records. The struggles in the YWCA - and in the United States - offer hope that people can strive toward justice, while disagreeing, politely or not." p. 180

 

开始追新剧喽！

http://www.nhk.or.jp/matsuyama/sakanoue/about/index.html

今日は、瑛太さん主役の映画を見ました。なんか、私の見る限り、こういう「純粋な愛」を描くのは、日本と韓国の映画だけかな…と思う。考えば、「純粋」というものを探して守るのは、自分を探すことですよね！すごく「個人主義」なものではないのですか？だからこそ、一個人の精神的なものを大切するなんだっと。

昔入った清華の中文系に、小説創作の賞がある。「朱自清」賞という。たぶん、第一回のある作品についての評語かな、聞きました。詳しいのは忘れたが、一つだけ覚えている。人の心や感じるものをすごく繊細に描いたげど、その主人公の社会的な、歴史的な、思想的な背景はちょっと不明だっと。でも、これこそ、現代人の生きる態度ではないか？私は、なんか、現代社会に生きる人間は「差別」を強く反対すると同時に、無意識で「差別」を探して立てることをし続けるっと実感する。「純粋」と「不純」の差別も同じことだと思う。「二元」的な考え方だよね！

だから、「なぜ、日本と韓国に純愛映画は人気になるですか」という質問も答えられるんでしょうね。東北アジアの社会には、欧米的な社会を目指す雰囲気がよく感じで、「個人」というものを探すことは、よく見えるだからだ。精神的な愛、変わらない愛、死で時間を止めて愛の気持ちを守って憶えて、それ以外のものは一切見えない。こうして、精神と周りの世界を「差別」できるじゃないかな…

しかし、理性的に反省できるが、千恵と太郎の物語は真実に基づくストーリだった。死が目の前に来る気持ちと愛を失くしたくない気持ちを映画から感じると、どんな人間でも感動するんじゃないかな。私も。最終では、死が愛を失うことを止まる。時間も止まる、歴史も止まる。人間はこういう力で強くなって、夢を目指して進むべきだっと。歴史を学ぶ人の目から見えば、本当の奇跡だね！不思議だ！

千恵が言うように、「明日が来ることは、奇跡です」。

 

Through Kohiyama sensei, I get access to Kurematsu sensei in Obirin Tokyo, who knows primary sources about Shimizu family very well. I suddenly feel frastrated because... it seems almost all the primary sources are used and published. What should I do? Although I know well that historical study is about interpretation, and different scholars will argue in very different ways when they face to the same sources. But to write a doctoral dissertation, one cannot use only secondary staff. You need to have primary sources, to a certain degree! While, what is this "degree?" It is the thing I am now quite confused about.

There might be a different sense on sources between Japanese and North American historical discipline. In the latter case, research might be more based on theoretical questions. In Japanese case, primary source might be the most important. That gives me a feeling that, if you cannot find new sources, it will be a little hopeless to reach the level of doctoral degree. But why do people like to think in that way? I am quite skeptical about the so-called "common sense." A historical figure, or an event, might have different meanings if viewing from different perspectives. And, in fact, there are many historical works dealing with "historical interpretation" itself, like Paul A. Cohen's History in Three Keys. Thus I believe that there should be a strategy in dealing with primary sources that have been published in any way. To tell a history in different ways is also meaningful for a deeper understanding of history, I think.

Perhaps I need to find some dissertations to get a sense on how much primary sources should be used in a doctoral level work. This is also a question I should ask my professors. Wish me luck!

 

After deciding the date of oral candidacy, it seems that my life is entering in a new stage called "all but dissertation." I don't remember when I heard this phrase for the first time, but recently it becomes clearer and clearer in my mind. It's a life style trying to manage uncertainties. To know when is the time to do what is so difficult - especially for me, an extremely lazy person who unfortunately has a lot of dreams. Thus I always cannot take notes in clear and systematic ways, and always fail to organize my plan.

So, it's a chance to create a new life - more concentrating, more self controlling, more lonesome yet more depending on others' helps and inspirations. I came to recognize that a doctoral dissertation is such a large project during my proposal writing period. Of course it will be a start point of a life-long academic journey, and perhaps not a big deal compared with the studies thereafter, but without arriving at the top of this particular mountain I can hardly see other peaks. It means that I have to change some of my bad habits and try to get organized and stay motivated.

A balanced life, according to the document I picked up in a lecture about professional development, includes at least seven components: family, career, mental, physical, social, financial and spiritual facets. I can see the latter two in my life, but am unsure of others. So, from now on, I need to manage all these facets to pursue a relative balance.

It's quite happy to imagine that one day I can be good at this balancing, although it's quite difficult for me, like, I really don't know when I can make the "writing your dissertation in fifteen minutes a day" thing true. Let's just see!